The writing made me laugh a lot:)
Ceyan your story is very funny and it never made me stop laugh
good adjectives:)
woooooah that font is so weird how did you do that
I liked your story a lot because it was very funny. Where did you get you characters name from? Also you could improve the bit where it says oh i wish i was at home playing with his playstation because first you wrote i and then you wrote him.
Before reading your story i can see it’s very eye-catching.
Why did u choose a play station for him to be playing?
Next time you could explain more just then rushing to the next sentence.
your story is great it has a great balance of description, dialogue and fronted adverbials (where when how).
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The writing made me laugh a lot:)
Ceyan your story is very funny and it never made me stop laugh
good adjectives:)
woooooah that font is so weird how did you do that
I liked your story a lot because it was very funny.
Where did you get you characters name from?
Also you could improve the bit where it says oh i wish i was at home playing with his playstation because first you wrote i and then you wrote him.
Before reading your story i can see it’s very eye-catching.
Why did u choose a play station for him to be playing?
Next time you could explain more just then rushing to the next sentence.
your story is great it has a great balance of description, dialogue and fronted adverbials (where when how).