I love your opening sentence, it’s really good with your adjectives
Where did you get the name Sally from?
I’d suggest to add at least one exclamation mark!!!!
I enjoyed this story all lot because Darlene goes to sweet land so it makes me feel like i would like to be there.
Why did u choose sweet land?
you could improve this story by using different sentence starters.
I like your story because how it says rushing as the speed as the wind.
What made you interested in making your story in the library?
Maybe next time you could improve the colour so that it is more eye-catchng.
the bit that i loved was when you were describing the glass table.
why did you add your-self in?.
i think that you should add more color in.
I like how you added Chapter 1 it started really nice .
What gave you this plan?:)
For you nothing to improve.
WELL DONE Darlene. 🙂
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